schlep stats

days on the road: 109
countries visited: 13 (Argentina, Paraguay, Bolivia, Perú, Ecuador, Colombia, Panamá, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Honduras, El Salvador, Guatemala, México, United States…)

night buses: 10
night trains: 1
nights camping: 6
nights in wretched hives of scum and villainy: 1
nights in HI joints: 2
nights in acceptable places: 21
nights in plenty nice places: 40
nights in fancy hotels: 15
nights at dear friends’ houses: 13

longest journey: 28 hours, Lima, Perú to Cuenca, Ecuador, with a three-hour stop at the border

words heard that mean “bus”: bus, autobús, microbús, minibús, colectivo, flota, mobilidad, combi, carro, omni or omnibús, bondi, camión

vomiting episodes: dozens

gnarly fights in which Clare says “We can’t be married if…”: too many to count, but averaging slightly more than one per long day of travel together

times trading restaurant menu translation for food or beer: 1

strange animals checked out: piranhas, caymans, pink river dolphins, capybaras, river seals, brahman cattle, toucans, bato (a large bird in Bolivia), urraca birds on Isla Ometepe, incredible jumping tiny frogs with sticky feet on Isla Ometepe, the world’s smallest lizards in Nicaragua

strange sights: Mennonite couple with adopted dark brown mestiza daughter dressed in traditional Mennonite get-up, pato enterrado game in Samaipata, stocks in Tumupasa still commonly used to punish drunks and rapists

worst translation: in an Iguazú restaurant, “picadas” (meat and cheese board) = “itched”

best grub: pique macho (Bolivia), chipas (Paraguay and Colombia), alfajores from Supermercado Josecito in Federal (Argentina), Girolami homemade fig jam (Argentina), turtle eggs dug up by our thieving guide from the banks of Río Ibare (Bolivia), cuy (guinea pig) in Cuzco, gallo pinto (rice and beans with salsa) in Central America, huaraches two blocks from Diego’s house in Polanco, Mexico City

worst grub: pink pasta “salad” at Panama City bus station food court

longest run of diarrhea (no pun here): 28 days and counting!

biggest immigration assholes: Panamá (We never shoulda gave them the canal back.)

the route
Buenos Aires, Capital Federal (Argentina)
Federal, Entre Rios
Paso de los libres, Corrientes
Mercedes, Corrientes
Colonia Carlos Pellegrini, Corrientes
Puerto Iguazú, Misiones
Ciudad del Este (Paraguay)
Asunción
Parque Nacional Ybicuí
Asunción
Santa Cruz (Bolivia)
Samaipata
Santa Cruz
Trinidad
25 km south of Trinidad on the Río Ibare
Trinidad
Rurrenabaque
Tumupasa
Rurrenabaque
Coroico
La Paz
Yumani, Isla del Sol
Puno
Cuzco
Playa Rosalinda
Choquequirao
Chiquiska
Cuzco
Lima
Cuenca
Baños
Quilotoa
Chugchilán
Quito
Popayán
San Agustín
Armenia
Medellín
Turbo
Puerto Obaldía
Panamá
San José
Managua
Limon II
Playa Santo Domingo, Isla Ometepe
Granada
Playa Iguanas, Little Corn Island
Managua
San Salvador
Tapachula
Mexico City
Mazatlán
Tucson
Santa Barbara…